Project Virgo
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Author Message
Patrick Alpha
Resident bloody clueless idiot


Joined: 13 Jul 2004
Posts: 54
Location: Auckland

PostPosted: Tue Jul 13, 2004 9:23 am    Post subject: Project Virgo Reply with quote

Project Virgo: Part One: Revenge of BJ

A Short Story By Patrick

Ja’laarm stared from the observatory. ‘Another assignment’ he thought, ‘It’s about time.’. For indeed it was, for at that moment, the sergeant…. No the director! ‘What the! Must be pretty special assignment!’ Ja’laarm thought.’ As the elevator cycled up again, the director, Morgan Ormsby, began his speech. ‘Ladies, and gentlemen of the JIIA (Jihad Intelligence International Alpha.) I have brought you together today for yet another risky assignment in B’Harnii Territory. You see, the B’Harnii forces in Greendale ,Germany have been fairly active recently. As you may already know, B’Harnii is an old member of the Nazi Party.’ He then pulled up a file photo & a recoloured photo
(Kudos to Satan Of The Week+Armory for the pictures.)
Continuing his speech ‘Greendale has been reported to have some of it’s population gone missing then mysteriously reappear, albeit changed. They appear to be broadcasting B***** and Friends on a certain channel. ‘You mean our ‘dangerous assignment’ is channel surfing?’ said Ja’laarm. ‘Only the first part one of it is. I’ve heard fro my colleague, Director Rolf Vermont in Germany is launching for help as many of his agents have gone missing. Let me show you the last transmission from them.’
The Transmission fired up. It was crackly but the message was clear.
‘We need help sir, this place has become a battlefield, and I discovered something you wouldn’t believe. The Truth is that…. ARGGHH!!’ A different voice started saying ‘He has returned.’ Then the transmission went blank. ‘That was too freaky.’ Quoted Ja’laarm to his friend, Gatsby Trothill. ‘Although this transmission was dark and grainy, the message was clear. Something bigger than domination or kidnapping.’ ‘Agents, I’ve given you Director Clearance to complete this mission.’ ‘You may now get in you vehicles.’ ‘God Be With You.’ The agents then left for their ships ‘I wonder what the ‘Truth.’ Is.’ ‘We all do Gatsby, we all do.’ And so they left.
A party of Jihadii Troopers also left to assist in the Operation. They traveled in a sleek white transport ship.
2 Hours Later

It was a fairly uneventful trip. Nice scenic view. The Jihad Special Ops Fighters began their landing. As they got off some German Agents greeted them. ‘Guten Tag.’ ‘Hello.’ Guten Tag.’ ‘Aye Mon. ‘Guten Tag.’ ‘Howdy.’ ‘Guten Tag. ‘Good morning. ‘Guten Tag.’ ‘
The party of Agents did not notice the secret radio installation nearby.
‘This is H.A.P.P.Y. # 4490 to Pirahno Station. Watch Barney! Watch Barney!’
‘This is Director #49, Sugardan Barney. Super De-Dooper! It’s nearing Prime Time for the kiddies. Let’s see our hit count.’ The Director pushed a button revealing a counter. ‘So far so Super-De-Dooper! 14000 hits!
‘Hurray. Watch Barney.’ Said some spongified toddlers as they got up.’
‘This is the German Parents TV Watchdog. And were concerned about….’
The Chatter continued.
The party continued walking to their destination shortly thereafter. The sky was midday blue, at it’s beauty peak, and all the agents gazed in wonder. The senior agent, Ms Rachel Mormunsk, then continued to lead the team. Eventually, they found a place where they could establish a base camp. It was 1:40 at the time. ‘Okay men and women, it’s time to settle here!’, to her words, the agents began building tents and a fire, in addition to a storage room and a small radar facility. They had enough food to last the journey so no hunting was needed. The soldiers were quietly chatting in the tents at 9:30 PM. ‘I wonder how long this journey will take.’ ‘Only a couple of days, troops!’ responded Rachel. During the morning, the troops ate sausages and bacon, courtesy of the Church Of Grimace. They also began the day with water, tea and coffee. They then continued the journey.
Then Suddenly, they were confronted!
A group of B’Harnii Soldiers was on Patrol.
‘I’m telling you, Trooper # 1945669, that sugar sure tasted great.’
Captain #4059, also know as Sugardaddy, was continuing the march.
‘Barney is a Dinosaur Sensation! And he’s the only one who loves you in the nation! Surrender to Barney! Surrender your Mind! Buy Barney T-Shirts! And other clothes too! And remember that Big Barney is watching you!’
The call sickened most of the team, but they began their engagement. The agents started by shooting the 2 sergeants nearing the front of the regiment and the captain’s hat. ‘That’s against the Barney way!’ said the troops. ‘Kill the dissidents! Kill the dissidents! Kill the dissidents! Kill the dissidents!’ the troops chanted. The Jihadii Troopers and Agents then began their engagement. ‘Attack!!!!!’ Yelled Rachel. It was a bloody first blow, with gunshots blowing everywhere. The Troopers engaged the B’Harnii Troopers in a bloody melee. A B’Harnii Trooper decapitated one Jihadii Trooper. One of the Troopers, Darwin, began to set his gun to ‘Express Speed.’. The bullets splashed across the rank, rapidly, but inaccurately. Another of the troops, Pollock, managed to lure the enemy team near a large abandoned bridge. He then called the rest of his team to shoot at the bridge. Another Jihadii Agent thought of giving them a rocket launcher, but then relented, seeing as this might amount to B’Harnii-ism of making the troops dependent on one weapon. The troops fired and the bridge fell and killed most of the B’Harnii Team. Some Jihadii were knocked unconscious by the blast.
The Troopers were relieved that they had bayonets, for the remaining B’Harnii Forces also had melee troopers, the B’Harnii Infantry. The team moved and engaged. The two shooters, Maurice, and Xing Dan, then launched a shotgun Barrage. It killed 4 B’Harnii Troopers at once! Then the Troopers Jane and Mary had an idea. They would attach magnifying glasses to their bayonets and heat up the enemy. The B’Harnii Troopers were shocked by this display. It goes without saying that their lack of creativity on the battlefield would be their downfall. On the agent’s front, there was a massive shootout with the sergeants and the captain, who had recovered his bullet-ridden hat. Agent Gatsby started whacking B’Harnii troops with a stolen B’Harnii Rifle. While Ja’laarm continued his patented Massacre(Copyright.). The B’Harnii officers and troops were dropping left and right. Soon all but the Captain were dead. The Captain and Rachel then prepared to square off. Rachel fired then dodged. The Captain was just about to fire when he was hit by a gunshot from a bullet of unknown origin. Everyone looked up to the hill and saw….
4 slightly alien-like, yet tubby, creatures
TO BE CONTINUED

Project Virgo
Part 2: Jihamir Odyssey
A short story by Patrick

The radio line was eerie with chatter. This did not shake Director # 49 though.
After all, he was an expert at this
‘Hello, this is German Parents TV Watchdog. We called earlier, but hung up, because the line was bad. Now to business. We’re concerned about certain aspects of one of your programs, B***** and Friends.’
‘Our assessment team has shown that the alleged program, ‘B***** and Friends, contains material that is not suitable for it’s intended audience. For instance, last week, the show’s central character, B*****, encouraged children to steal, cook without adult supervision and….
Director #49 cut the line. Then he pressed a button connecting another line. This time to his troops.
‘Troops, we’ve got a code D29 in sector Dooper Red. Super-de dooper! Sugarland Regiment, go there and silence the dissidents. That is all.’
With these orders the Sugarland Regiment marched out of the auditorium parade like and in unison. They knew their mission also included regulation patrol duty. Bad news for The Jihad.
When we last left off, The Jihadii Party was confronted by a whole regiment of B’Harnii Troopers. Near the end of the battle, the B’Harnii Captain was killed by a foreign shot. We now return:
The small alien like, tubby creatures, were in fact,
Professional Teletubby Snipers. The shooting elite. Only they could sneak so quietly and stealthily.
‘The Teletubby Snipers!’ Exclaimed the Jihad. Even Rachel was impressed. It was rare to see them out in the open, if at all. The Snipers then jumped down in unison and began to talk to the Jihad ‘Eh-Oh, B’Harnii troops attack you. B’Harnii enemy Teletubbies too. We Unite?
‘Sounds like a good proposal, Rachel.’ Said the Jihad
‘Well fine. We’re almost allies anyway, according to The Alpha Praetor.’
The Jihad and the Teletubbies party continued towards their destination.
4 Hours Later
Jihamir Base. A major base on the German fringe. It was a high-tech, almost space-age style base. And it’s defences left little to be desired. DNA Cannons, old-fashioned AA guns, heat detectors, flash detection, massive towers, and of course, heat-sensitive fencing. The Works. The German Research Department had clearly been well funded. And for good reason. Rumours had been floating around the Jihad about some strange new B’Harnii Forces with the ability to Hypnotise. Hypnobarnus, as they were dubbed, remained shrouded in mystery. The Party walked through the steel doorways, revealing a massive army of infantry in uniform. Awe-inspiring as it was, the Party pressed on. They eventually came up to a giant white building. . The inside of the building was office-like, yet utilitarian. A man in a suit approached the party. ‘Hello zere!’ said the man in a heavy German accent. ‘My name is Rolf Vermont, Director of Intelligence here in Germany, and I have come to visit this base to further brief you on our situation here in Germany.’ ‘You see recently, our kidnap rate has risen by 14%! That may not seem like much considering the rise of Mundane kidnapping but all of the kidnappings have been traced to a single spot! We have not found out where it is, but when we do, I want you to organize a strike force and hit the kidnappers hard!’
‘Excuse me sir, but the Jihad is not a vigilante group. We should let Mundane Police handle Mundane Matters.’
‘Ah, zat is true. But let me show you some top secret German intelligence files of the victims interrogation.’
The director put in a sleek, silvery DVD disc into the JIIA issue player. A warning rolled up about the secrecy of these files. Standard stuff. Even the greenest soldier knew standard video procedure. Then the records began.
A child was sitting on a seat in a grey, bleak interrogation room. It did not appear unusual until they saw the child’s face. It was horrifically frozen, as if he had been paralysed. A male voice said ‘Are you felling ok? Do you fell sick or queasy?’ ‘Then he started singing. ‘Obey The One, Obey The One, He has returned, He has…. The video cut to a little girl in the same surroundings. A male voice said ‘You just need to answer my question. What is the alphabet.’ She had glazed eyes and was saying ‘Give Now, Give Now, to the One, to the One.. it then cut to a wide-eyed toddler. A female voice said ‘Who is this One? ’Watch One , Watch One..’ then finally, it cut to analysis.
The Director Continued
‘Apparently the young girl, was travelling with her four sisters, whose names have been suppressed, around Midland St. The Footage from a traffic camera tells all. The director put another DVD in for yet another ‘feature presentation.’
The camera crackled to life in the rain. It was a busy road. ‘Greendale had a reputation for a low crime rate so this must appear unusual to the police.’ Said the Director. 4 girls of various ages were walking across the road together. There was a timer on the bottom of the screen. They waited for the traffic to pass. Then suddenly, a truck stopped. It was then accompanied by an Ice Cream truck. Then the video jammed. After a few minutes the video came back. The truck then passed leaving smoke and dust. The girls were coughing a lot. There appeared nothing unusual. Then a police officer asked in a slightly higher than normal voice if the girls were okay. ’The girls responded in unison with ‘We’re fine.’ Traffic continued to pass, then the girls walked across the road and out of the camera’s view. Then the tape finished. ‘Now you should take these practice videos and analyse them for clues, because were going to have a analysis meeting at 22:30 hours at Friday! Dismissed!’ The Jihad left the room to their ‘soldiers campus’, as it was nicknamed for the dormitory. The Teletubby team walked in for a specially engineered footage.
30 Minutes Later

The Jihad were relaxing in the café! It was a rainy day outside, and they had the privilege of Experimental Espresso coffee, regular coffee, Coffee Lite, Coffee Buzz, and many forms of oriental tea. As for the Teletubbies, they were enjoying Experimental Custard, regular custard, Capper Custard, Custard in a bowl, and chocolate French style. Both parties continued to talk over their meals. ‘I wonder, *swallow*, if this place has a game room’ said Gatsby. ‘There’s a good chance.’ Said Ja’laarm. ’Hey waiter, get us an oriental mega-salad!’ ‘Yes, and then I shot the guy dead on!’ ‘If you’re on an office strip, walk quickly.’ ‘Learn the language, it pays off.’ ‘Hey look! A fly!’ ‘Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!’ ‘Just kidding ole buddy. As most could tell, the JIIA could let their hair down at mealtimes. Over at the Teletubbies table: ‘MMMM! Custard good. ‘Eh-Oh.’ ‘Eh-Oh.’ ‘Now we with Jihad.’ ‘Smell my flower, *squirt* ‘That good.’ *Laughter*. After both groups had finished their lunch time meals. They continued to the game room, ‘I wonder if they have ping-pong.’ Said Ja’laarm ‘Let’s hope they have an computer with JIIA RecNet .’ Said Gatsby. The team went through the steel doors and sure enough, the rec room was complete. Gatsby and Ja’laarm began to play B’Harnii FPS 4.1. Four agents began a full on game of ping-pong. Six agents began playing the official Jihad Game on tournament. And ten commenced a swimming lap. And as for the Teletubbies, 2 went on the shooting range, and the other 2 went and joined the Barney FPS 4.1 game. The fun continued
*4 Hours Later*
The JIIA agents had since played two tournaments, 24 race’s, made on average 44 decibels of sound, and had in some way caused violence to anything B’Harnii related 14900 times. The JIIA then proceded for patrol duty, then another meal.
*40 Minutes Later*
Ja’laarm noticed a slightly unusual brush in the trees. Wind, he thought. But then some Teletubbies clad in white walked up to the gate. Ja’laarm noticed nobody was there, so he rushed to the GCC (Gate Control Computer.) He then entered in the opening password, and then the gate opened. The Teletubbies in white were not alone, for a large escort was to follow them.
Rolf Vermont was busy reading in his temporary office, when suddenly a Major burst in a said ‘Sir! *Puff *Wheeze*, we’ve got an urgent call from Gate Command. According to JIIA Agent Ja’laarm, a party of Teletubby officials with an escort were walking towards the base, expecting an opening of the gates. According to Ja’laarm, no-one was on gate duty at Northern gate.’

‘That’s is unusual.’ Said Rolf, ‘as we just assigned Illum Bavan to The Northern Gate about a week ago. And he was reported missing 2 days ago. And anyway, according to the Jihad Military Supervision Reform Act 1994, all gate operating staff should include with a supervisor. His supervisor, Trian Atlan, was killed in an accident about a month ago.’ ‘I suggest we let one of our agents look into it. Not Ja’laarm though. He’s already on Project Virgo. So is the rest of Ms Rachel Murmansk’s team.’
‘It’s coming days director.’ Said the Major
‘It sure is.’
FADE OUT








Project Virgo: Part 3: A Day in the Life of a B’Harnii Base

Note: Here is a definition for the ‘Stage Terms used in this installment and beyond:
Prelude Stage 0: Subject is not aware of B’Harnii in any nature, e.g. doesn’t have feelings on the colour purple.
Prelude Stage 1: Subject has feelings towards purple or dinosaurs, but not both.
Prelude Stage 2: Subject has feelings towards both purple and dinosaurs
Prelude Stage 3: Caught Drawing Purple Dinosaurs in class/work
Intro Stage 1: Has seen a B’Harnii Commercial, and liked it
Intro Stage 2: Has close relative watch B’Harnii at friends house
Intro Stage 3: Has seen 5 Minutes of B’Harnii
Viewer Stage 1: Has seen a whole episode and liked it
Viewer Stage 2: Has seen half a season and liked it
Viewer Stage 3: Has seen a season and liked it
Viewer Stage 4: Owns small B’Harnii Merchandise Set
Viewer Stage 5: Has seen two to 4 seasons
Fan Stage 1: Has seen 4+ seasons
Fan Stage 2: Has seen any B’Harnii Films
Fan Stage 3: Has moderate set of B’Harnii Merchandise
Fan Stage 4: Is a member of any B’Harnii Fan Club
Fan Stage 5: Has founded a B’Harnii Fan Club
Join Stage 1: Has joined and found out about B’Harnii Military
Join Stage 2: Has complete B’Harnii Clothing set as only clothes
Join Stage 3: Has IQ lowered by 10-20
Melt Stage 1: Has IQ lowered by 20-50
Melt Stage 2: Talks in unison with others in common conversation
Melt Stage 3: Has IQ lowered by 50+
Melt Stage 4: Has conformed to B’Harnii Completely




The Sun was rising, as it always did. The alarm rang, as it always did at the exact time. This sense of routine did not shake the spongin though, for they are doomed to never express negative emotions until despongification. Not even death would earn them peace, for their bodies were recycled as food. Even though they just joined the B’Harnii Cause, the children knew not The Truth. Not the threefold, but the truth about whap happens in the lower levels of a B’Harnii Base. Things which are too awful to tell, at least until later. The children got up and took off their B***** Pyjamas, all in Purple and with purple B’Harnii all over them. They got up and said ‘Hi, watch B*****, wear B***** over and under, B’Harnii fun!’ in different tones and NOT in unison. Join Stage, as many Jihad Psychiatrist’s could tell you. But none could prepare you for the horrors of a B’Harnii Base They then proceeded to the clothing room, marked on the doors ‘B**** Garment Fun Room’. It was purple, just like all of the other rooms that the children were allowed to see. The children proceeded to dress in B***** T-shirts, B***** underwear, B***** shoes, B***** socks, B***** jackets, which were all military issue by the way, and symbolically, the clothes were implanted with mind and body control devices, specially designed to block out negative things, thoughts, anything that B’Harnii would not approve of. After getting dressed, they then proceeded to the TV Chamber, where The Pirahno Channel used to do previews. Now it was a movie sized screen with 24 Hour B***** and Friends. And later, a very special event was due. B***** First Film! With a special appearance by B’Harnii Prime Via Satellite But that would happen later, at 6:00 PM. For now, it was just two hours of B’Harnii, then a briefing. A similar routine was going one with the B’Harnii Infantry, which looked like The Hell Wyrm en miniature.
*2 Hours Later*
The Spongin were at Join Stage 2, and were even more susceptible to B’Harnii. They proceded into the equipment room and got out spears and paint cans. The B’Harnii infantry had got out armor and spears and went into the hall.
There Happarno, was standing at the podium. He was beginning a speech
‘Friends, Friends, Friends, Friends, we’re coming for a super-de-duper…. CAMPAIGN!’ he roared ‘Our current plan is for Candyland Regiment, and Sugarland Regiment, which, according to Director Sugardan, has just returned with the success of their mission, they killed the engineering team, and hacked the gate passwords. All but the Northern Gate. And now it’s time for the following regiments, the 1/5 of this countries military force, to launch operation Breaking Ice! My plan is to invade Jihamir Base, and conquer the whole county!’ ‘YAYYYYY! Happarno! Happarno! Happarno !Happarno!’
The cheers were rising though the auditorium. Happarno was an expert at rousing the crowds. He was a former politician after all. He was also the Lord Commander of the B’Harnii in Germany, ‘And B’Harnii be with you.’
Over the country, around 1/5 of the B’Harnii forces was sent on this mission
The End was to come for Jihamir Base


Project Virgo: Part 4: Assault on Jihamir Base
A Glossary
The Unofficial Tech Level
TL 00-Stone Age 500000 BC-100000 BC
TL 0.5-Ancient Age 100000 BC-2500 BC
TL 1-Bronze Age 2500 BC-700 BC
TL 2-Iron Age 700 BC-0 AD
TL 3-Dark Age 0 AD-900 AD
TL 4-Medievel Age 900 AD-1600 AD
TL 5- Renaissance Age 1600 AD-1800 AD
TL 6- Industrial Age 1800 AD-1920 AD
TL 7- 20Th Century Tech 1920 AD-1950 AD
TL 8- Modern Tech 1950 AD-1990
TL 9-Present Day/21st Century 1900 AD-2050 AD
TL 10- Early Space Projects Unknown
TL 11- Star Trek Level Tech Unknown
TL 12- Early Solar Travel Unknown
TL 13- Futurama Level Tech Unknown
TL 14-BiGalactic Expansion Level Tech Unknown
TL 15- Warhammer 40K Tech-Unknown AD
TL 16- Clarke’s Law Level Tech Unknown



-


Ja’laarm was practicing his skills in a skirmish game of The Official Jihad Game. He was winning. He had tried, and succeeded, with the strategy of making a lot of squires, sending them out as bait, and then sending the Airforce to attack power, then tanks against defence, and then infantry at major choke points. A killer. He won in 40 minutes, now it was time for a further study of the practice tapes, then patrol duty. He inserted the video and took his remote on hand. This one was interesting. He was supposed to determine the identity of a wedding thief and murderer at a hotel and a church. He noticed that several waiters at the time came in dressed in white at 9:30-9:32 nothing unusual there. But the priest seemed angry. Time to play it again, as the TRES Corps said. ‘Oh lordly, my car needs gas.’ That might be a motive. But Ja’laarm checked the tape, and the priest continued to pray for some time, then go and congratulate the spouse. He then began a baptism. His alibi checked out. However, the hotel owner seemed to not like the groom, and had a previous relationship with the bride. He however, was out for a haircut. The footage confirmed it.
The only two suspects left were a 51 year- old Texan Businessman, and a well dressed valet, who was a friend of the groom and the bride. The businessman walked into the hall, and began coughing. The Bride and the valet started patting him on the back, but then when Ja’laarm froze the video, the valet did a sleight of hand trick with the bride, and was seen before getting a ‘gift’ for the wedding, which was apparently a large clock. It was a body when heat scanned though. Ja’laarm thought this would seem easy compared to the ordeal of deconstructing the video footage of the Greenland case. It was like an old detective series, except that the crimes were solved via video.
40 Minutes Later
Ja’laarm was on Patrol Duty. It was a windy day,
Little had happened. All he saw on the other walls was an entire regiment of Jihadii, and that was just the Northern Gate. There were over 5 regiments all across the wall on Patrol. He continued to watch the Gate.
Later that night, he had a call
A deep voice was talking. ‘This is it. You don’t have long’ ‘Who is this?’ ‘I can’t tell you that’ ‘How are things going to end.’ ‘All I can say is that you better get out, for it is happening again.’ The Line then went dead. Ja’laarm felt uneasy. Who was this mysterious caller?. And what did he mean by ‘the end.’?
In the morning the Director, Rolf Vermont, was in his office, just waiting for the meeting. The View was great from his office, and he had a complete online map of the base, giving him alert of troop positions. Impressive for a temporary office, he thought. If the negotiations went well, he would receive a whole army from the Teletubbies. It couldn’t come at a better time. Then again, it always was ‘a better time’. There were several knocks at the door. Rolf said’ Come in!’ ,The Grand but simple doors opened, and in came the Teletubby Ambassadors. ‘Welcome!’ said Rolf enthusiastically, trying to make a good impression. The Teletubbies then said ‘Eh-Oh.’ And began their speech. ‘We come from Tele-tubby land, B’Harnii Bad, we offer this, a whole 4 regiments of Teletubby Infantry, to assist against B’Harnii, our common enemy.’ ‘We have also put B.A.B.Y. on it.’ ‘That is like your JIIA.’ ‘Therefore you will be seeing the snipers and Agents joining in.’ ‘The Nu-Nu Union is currently investigating the Neo-Nazi Riots in Nechwitz.’ ‘Interesting story.’ Said Rolf ‘It appears the nazi’s are at it again. However the long lost photos proving Gerry ‘Mikey’ Crawford’s Real Identity have been lost. All we know is that is was a student at McGill University. No records exist in our database, or in any other JAO, of his true identity. It is rumoured that only the Pentagon and Highest ranking B’Harnii Lords know the truth. And the Illuminati of course. There are lots of theories going around the Doberman Empire, but we tend not to get involved in outside speculation.’ ‘Now the debate among the board is whether to employ a McDaniel Unionist and kill all the Spongin in Nechwitz, or despongify.’ ‘My vote goes to the more humanitarian method of despongification. You see, the spongjin that we see daily aren’t just spawned from nowhere. They are lost human beings, with families and jobs. Besides, It costs the Jihad millions to cover-up the death’s of thousands. It makes the Mundanes uncomfortable.’ ‘And Project New Ham is still in progress, so for now we have to rely on mercenaries from the MSFABT (Mad Scientists For A Better Tomorrow.’ To conduct Robotics, as our research department is severely underfunded.’
As he continued, a Jihadii Soldier heard a slight bump, he continued to follow the sounds, and then he saw a strange object, and then a syringe incapacitated him. A man clad in Nazi Clothing continued to syringe patrolling guards, until he was met by a squad. Even though they were well equipped, and he was only a Former Secret Police Agent, he surprised them with a Reich Knife, dipped in flame and poison. It was quite high tech, scoring in at a mature TL-12, but being TL-7 in appearance. In other words, it was a 1920 design, but of advanced properties. The soldiers died quickly, and he proceeded to call in at the tower after slaughtering the staff. ‘This is Mr Y666, calling in. I have dispatched the patrol on the wall and in the tower, initiate Manoeuvre Cane, over.’
Meanwhile in the directors office, he had just signed a treaty with The Nu-Nu Union, and The Teletubby Military, who agreed to send him aid in return for Sticky Shakes and celery, courtesy of The Church Of Grimace. The Cardinal Bishop Lukwitz had just come in to sign. Suddenly the Director’s Phone rang. ‘This better be important.’ ‘Sir! This is IT Manager Geoffrey, we’ve lost contact with two towers, and are picking up hostiles on the Northern Horizon. They will arrive in 24 minutes!’ ‘Dear God and Grimace!’ ‘By the authority vested in me, I declare a ESDM! (Emergency Summon Defence Military.)’ ‘Over!’
The alarms rang in the recreation room. Ja’laarm and his team, being trained JIIA agents, managed to get to the post in less than two minutes. They manned the guns. Half of the force had arrived in ten minutes. The clock was ticking. The Teletubbies would take a whole week to arrive. A disadvantage of the Nu-Nu Company. Very good protection and weaponry, but slow. The Teletubby Navy was arriving too. So was the Doberman Navy, even though they weren’t called, they were investigating some islands and saw B’Harnii activity in Germany, and have launched a new campaign. Operation Raven they call it. Jihamir Base happens to be a popular visiting spot for troops. A perfect target for the B’Harnii Administration. The first sponge minions were already marching on the horizon. The Battle Had begun.
TO BE CONTINUED

Project Virgo: Part 6: Assault on Jihamir Base: Part 2
Jihamir Base 4:00 PM
The battle had been raging for hours. Thousands of bodies now littered the battlefield, some of them Spongjin and some of them Jihadii. The march of the K6 Regiment was carrying on. The bullets would fly that afternoon. The engineer in the tower saw that there was no hope, and Commenced a destruction on his section of the tower. He left a message and flowers through to family in friends and then died bravely in the explosion. In the directors office, things were not so quiet. They arguing over planning escape routes when finally the Cardinal came up with an idea. To use the Valegnos, the director’s private ship, to escape. At first the director objected, but then he realized that lives were at stake. He agreed, and so did the other Administrative Officials. The ran to the top-secret hanger of the directors in Jihamir Base. They began to all the crew. It was a sad day for the Jihad. Jihamir Base was an old one, dating back to the 1940s. It was build by Sanders Jihamir, a great architect. Thankfully the base would be rebuilt. As Sanders said ‘All things come to an end, and another beginning starts. The world is a recycling machination’. The Jihadii were defending the walls heroically. However, Agent Mr Y666 had successfully managed to call in assistance. Thousands of Neo-Nazi and KKK troops were coming in. Even some old Nazi Tanks from the Third Reich had formed a wall to attack the wall. They fired. Half of the wall was destroyed, killing hundreds of Jihadii Thousands of Spongjin also poured in, overwhelming the defenders with sheer numbers. A typical B’Harnii Tactic. What they lacked in creativity, they made up in numbers. The Jihadii were getting desperate. They continued the barrage. They hoped they wouldn’t have to do this. The Tower was now staffed with an Emergency Team of engineers, clad in white. They pushed the Emergency Comm. Button. They called the Director. ‘Hello, this is Emergency team, {Explosions} {Gunshots} Requesting Air Assistance we have to evacuate and do the McDaniel!’ ‘Oh….’ What followed the oh wasn’t ‘dearie me’ that’s for sure. When the Director finished his expletive, he issued an Evacuation and called in the Air Head. ‘Time for S.T.I.M.P.Y. to prove their mad mettle.’ He said into the intercom. The bombers began their flight. The troops retreated as the gunners held off the B’Harnii Forces. All of the JIIA began manning the aircraft. The time was to come. The sleek white ships were fully loaded. Ja’laarm pushed the ‘Start Up’ Button. The engines roared to life. He took off and made a sharp turn. He then continued flying out of the hangar. The sky was beautiful. Too bad it wouldn’t be for much longer. One effect of Spongification is that the sky was a lot darker. ‘By the next week, it would be darker than a republican’s brain area.’ Gatsby joked. At least put some humour in loss. Finally they reached the clouds. Through his side window, Ja’laarm could see the transports leaving. One of the most powerful had A Main Window at the front made out of Jihadium. The strength and value of Jihadium was second only to the mysterious material used in The B’Harnii Slayer, and other famous swords, such as Excalibur. Ja’laarm then pressed the ‘Bomb’ button. He increased speed to Experimental and flew out with his wing.
{Fall}
{Gunshots}
{Scream}
{Gunshots}
{More Fall}
{Kaboooooooooooooooom!}
{AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!}
{KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!}
The Jihad continued their Exodus. The mysterious strangers prediction had come true. It was a sad day. A sad sad sad sad day.
TO BE CONTINUED

Project Virgo Part 7: Hook, Line & Sinker
The Office Of Happarno, B’Harnii Grand Commander Germany/The Auditorium
B’Harnii Headquarters, Germany
1:26 PM
Happarno watched the cameras with interest. Images of burning fields and brutal killings satisfied his curiosity. Sugarland had done well. He then left his office to talk to the troops. He walked up to the podium, then began yet another speech.
‘Guten Tag to all! This is Happarno speaking. Congratulations on ze destruction of Jihamir Base! It is unfortunate that many died but zat is a necessary wall to climb if we are to conquer Germany! Spongjin, double rations! Infantry, the sugar value has gone up. The KKK deal is going well. Our report looks good! The B’Harnii search for conquest has not been sated though. Rumor on ze board of directors is that the Doberman Navy is retaliating to the act of destruction of Jihamir Base! It has already reached to higher ups of zat organization. This unacceptable! I hereby order the commission of Fleet Zervont, Fleet Zamar, Fleet Forgu and Fleet Dansch! Our Navy Administrative Head Grand Admiral, Sharduke Helsing Smurf, will make a speech now to the faculty. The small but powerful admiral began his speech
‘Hello daddy-o! This is Papa Smurf! We gonna make you Navy-boys attack the Dobermans in the Atlan Sea! The Doberman forces are mighty chessed about the destruction of that ole Jihamir Base, so we gotta attack the Navy. We don’t take risks here in The Smurf Commune. First we get them from the north, then we send out the big guns! Yes that’s what I’m talkin about, the B’Harnii Bots made with stolen Jihadium!’
There were cheers among the crowd as he spoke. The leaders of B’Harnii, and it’s associated organisations, e.g. Nazi, KKK, Smurf Commune, Power Rangers Alliance, AFA etc, were trained in rousing the mind. It was almost an art among politicians and hypnotists.
‘Now we begin our conquest, of Germany. Now get your B’Harnii Toys here, courtesy of Lyons Group!’ He began throwing out merchandise and began a frenzious carnival of violence. Children and Troopers alike were pushing in to get to the pile. It is indeed ironic that Papa Smurf was a better figure than B’Harnii was. At least he taught competition.
Happarno then called for the frenzy to stop. The crowd stopped immediately.
‘SM Group, the meeting is now on Thursdays, DO Regiment fall in for Raven!’
B’Harnii Gate, B’Harnii Headquarters, Germany
1:30 PM
DO Group marched out into the fold.
Their mission was simple. They had to conquer Mormansk Base. It had many factories and would be of use to the B’Harnii Cause. They proceeded through the deserted highway. They then reached the giant McDonalds. And that’s where the trouble began. You see, many McDonalds Employees were members of The Church Of Grimace. Of course the policy of McDonalds was to stamp out unions, but it wasn’t a union. The employers didn’t know much about the church anyway, and these were the knowledgeable ones.

DO Group broke in through the door.
‘You! Excuse me sir but you cannot use force to open a door. It would violate every….’
*Gunshot*
‘Go clear out, Grimati.’ Said the leader of DO Regiment menacingly.
‘Now that was just…..’
*Gunshot*
*Panicked Scream*
*Scramble*
The sound of footsteps was deafening. The Spongjin had to cover their ears to keep out the noise. Then a whole team broke in.
‘B’Harnii Rangers, coming right at you!’
The Rangers began massacring the restaurant. Heads were flying off the toys. The fight had broken out between McDonalds and B’Harnii. One of the employees, Danny, had used a head of Ronald McDonald to crush several Spongjin.


German Sky
Germany
4:40 PM
Ja’laarm lay comfortably in his cockpit.
It had been a quiet but hasty journey through the clouds.
The sun was gradually setting. Even at this height Ja’laarm could tell the time of day. Of course he didn’t need to, thanks to his Universal Time Clock. But you could never be too careful. Often devices from S.T.I.M.P.Y. were in their early beta stages, just waiting to go bust. S.T.I.M.P.Y. was Oxford compared to MSFABT, which was Mad Scientists For A Better Tomorrow. They were mercenary and unreliable. Thankfully all JIIA technology was dummy-vetted before commission.
He then

Project Virgo: Part 8: The Coming Of The Doberman: Part 1

Offices Of The Doberman
Undisclosed Location
2:17 PM
The Debate was raging in the offices of The Doberman. A heated argument had begun near the beginning with Chancellor Lee and Commander Yi. The debate was on action. To launch or not to launch.
‘I call for affirmative action!’ shouted Lee. ‘We need to take those Spongjin down, and fast!’
‘You do not consider, chancellor, the costs of such an attack. My men are already tied up in patrols in US and The Pacific Islands.’ ‘We cannot strike so fast.’
‘We should send the air. I call for a task force to investigate this base.’
‘Chancellor, there is little to investigate, and the danger is great. I am under oath from the cardinal to not attack during Grimatia Days.’
‘Excuse me commander, but we ain’t all religious here.’
‘True true. But we should consider the dangers of sending a fleet through to Germany. There have been activities reported in the Fringe. Lost ships are no sailor’s tale. Entire transports have disappeared, leaving us with decreasing production in the industrial department of Germany. The Home Guard is weakening. We should cautiously approach the region. Here is my plan. He then pulled up a chart explaining his plan.
Chart 1

Key
G=German Beach
I=Islands
BB=B’Harnii Base
DB=Doberman Base
B=B’Harnii Fleet
D=Doberman Fleet
Size of Fleet: 1-15












‘As you can see, it would be foolish to launch an assault now. I call for remote attack using SHARK. Which, as many of you gentlemen know, is our new Special Forces Unit’
‘I disagree.’ Said Chancellor Franklin
‘We should launch an sea attack from the ground’
‘Thank God For Captain Obvious’ joked some of the commanders
‘Not Possible. I suggest an air/sea coordinated attack.’
‘Use undersea drilling!’ shouted an officer.
‘Heard of Occam’s Razor?’
‘You know research has shown that….’
The argument erupted. The vocal game of dodge ball ended after the two competitors reached an agreement.
‘Am I and Lee the only ones with common sense?’
‘Use your heads people, don’t go forging character assassination!’
This quietened the crowds. We will continue our discussion. Now it has resulted in….’















































Project Virgo: Part 9

Note: Copy & Paste it into Word or another word processing thing & you will be able to read it better.


Last edited by Patrick Alpha on Sun Jul 18, 2004 5:55 am; edited 6 times in total
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Patrick Alpha
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 13, 2004 9:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Also, I do know that the Jihad is no longer headed by an Praetor & that there is some discontinuity. I also know that there is no Chancellor Yi or whatnot. The teletubby thing is just a funny thing, mind you, Teletubbies is a great show.
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Aris_TGD
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 13, 2004 7:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

First.

It's good you recognize that this is a non-canon story, since right now canon is pretty much in lockdown until we get all the sources straightened out. Right now, this is what we'd call perhaps a "JU1" story, something that doesn't adhere to all the rules we've been codifying on how both Jihad and enemy behave.

So I could go through and point out your continuity errors, but I don't think that would really help at this point. What I can suggest is you flip through http://www.jihad.net/archive.html and check out what's been written previous. The styles vary a lot from author to author, and I'm sure you'll be able to find a model for whatever type of adventure you're interested in. I encourage you to keep playing around. Enthusiasm is something we have need of greatly.
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 13, 2004 9:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank You. JU1 does seem like a better place to put this.
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 13, 2004 9:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

also, think of it in Day Of The Barney style non main story & JU1 terms, and you got the right idea.
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 13, 2004 10:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[img]http://www.armory.com/ ~notbob/bar.jpg[/img]
LMAO
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 15, 2004 9:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I will be reowrking it now

Last edited by Patrick Alpha on Thu Jul 15, 2004 10:28 pm; edited 1 time in total
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katster
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 15, 2004 6:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Patrick Alpha wrote:
Good News! I just put in some editorials & now it is much better in continuity!


Err, no, it's not really in continuity. Not even now.

First of all, let's start with the basics. If you want somebody to read something, formatting is important, and the formatting on that thing is *atrocious*. I'll take a safe bet that you copypasted the thing out of Word right into the PHPab4d window and hit submit, no?

It shows. A story with odd linebreaks and no paragraphs and weird spacing is very hard on the eyes. And even if it's written well, the more work you make your readers do, the harder it is to get people to read it, let alone comment coherently on it. I don't think I've managed to read all the way through the story simply because the formatting starts giving me headaches about halfway through.

The Preview button is your friend. You might want to see how things look before you post them.

Second, beta readers are a good thing too. Instead of posting this for the world, and then demanding to know what we think of it when it's still in what feels to me to be a very rough alpha state (pun not intended) is going to set you up for a lot of discouragement. And I don't want to discourage the enthusiasm, I'd just like to channel it.

So I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'll take what you've written, paste it in my text editor so that I can read it without blinding headaches, and I'll comment on it. And when I'm done with that, I'll send you my comments. If you'd like that, I mean.

Futher commentary will be forthcoming with that, if you want me to do it.

-kat
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"these are the days of miracle and wonder" -Paul Simon, "The Boy in the Bubble"
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Patrick Alpha
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 15, 2004 10:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

OK, i will make the spacing a lot better. By continuity I mean that there was a missing chapter & it was added.
Good lord you're right it looks terrible.
I apologize for it.
How do you delete a poll anyway?
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katster
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 15, 2004 11:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Okay. I see there's been a huge misunderstanding of some sort here.

When Aris mentioned JU1, she forgot to mention the universe is depreciated in favour of JU2, which is the current continuity for the Jihad. And JU2 (and its offshoot, JU3) is the universe we all write in.

We keep the JU1 stories around for historical continuity. Despite most of them being very bad to horribly awful stories with little to no characterization, stunted dialouge, and plot holes you can drive a bulldozer through, they are still part of the history of where our little band of ragtag partisans has been. But it's *history*.

We're not accepting newly written JU1 stories into the archives. Period. And if you don't believe me, I'm sure the Archivist will happily chime in with agreement to this.

And I hate to say it, but the story you've written here is a good example of *why* we rebooted the universe.

So...you want to improve your writing and write something that will impress us? Go to the roleplaying page on jihad.net and read that. We don't care if you read the PDF or the text file on that page, they're the same, but for the love of God, read one of them!

-kat
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the one and only truly amazing katster * the so-called admin
she who wears too many hats
"et lux in tenebris lucet et tenebrae eam non conprehenderunt" --John 1:5
"these are the days of miracle and wonder" -Paul Simon, "The Boy in the Bubble"
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 15, 2004 11:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

OH. Big misunderstanding. Thank You katster. You can delete this topic
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Shadur
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 15, 2004 11:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Patrick Alpha wrote:
OH. Big misunderstanding. Thank You katster. You can delete this topic


Don't tempt us any more than you're already doing.
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Patrick Alpha
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 15, 2004 11:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote="Shadur"][quote="Patrick Alpha"]OH. Big misunderstanding. Thank You katster. You can delete this topic[/quote]

Don't tempt us any more than you're already doing.[/quote]
This is confusing. I am leaving now.
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 15, 2004 11:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Patrick Alpha wrote:
OH. Big misunderstanding. Thank You katster. You can delete this topic


Well, no, I don't think we need to delete the topic. We're just trying to help here. We *like* the enthusiasm. We really do.

Which is why we're trying to help you *channel* the enthusiasm. Just as it wouldn't be polite to barge into a place where people are all happily playing Risk and say "I want to play Monopoly instead!", it's the same here.

We don't mind questions. Really, we don't. But you've come across as somebody who wasn't really paying much attention to what we were saying, which causes frustration on our end as well.

But since we've talked, I'm sure you'll fit in here eventually. Smile No worries. So yeah, please keep hanging around.

-kat
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the one and only truly amazing katster * the so-called admin
she who wears too many hats
"et lux in tenebris lucet et tenebrae eam non conprehenderunt" --John 1:5
"these are the days of miracle and wonder" -Paul Simon, "The Boy in the Bubble"
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 15, 2004 11:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

thank you katster. I am currently reading JU2 right now.
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