A List of ways for barney to die

 
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Elena, aka Leto Bucher
Jihaddi


Joined: 13 Mar 2005
Posts: 67
Location: Waldemar, ON

PostPosted: Fri Mar 18, 2005 4:51 pm    Post subject: A List of ways for barney to die Reply with quote

Personal Favourite Ways to kill B’harnii
(from the Canonical List of Ways to kill B’harnii)

7. Slap some antlers on his head and send him into the woods during November.
8. Move every third molecule 3 feet to the left until he closely resembles Picasso's "Guernica".
12. Shoot him.
13. "Barney, I would like you to meet Dr. Kevorkian...."
20. Strip off his flesh, bury the bones in your back yard, and then dig them up, a piece at a time, selling them to your nearest natural history museum. A complete dinosaur skeleton would be worth a fortune! Death to Barney for fun AND profit!
24. Sew his lips to his rectum.
32. Put him in a guillotine; put the rope holding up the blade in his mouth and then beat his ass with a jagged piece of metal until he screams.
35. Cut open his gut until the entrails lie splayed out on the floor. Don't give him a needle and thread.
36. Tie him down in the middle of the Sahara Desert and let the vultures have him. I am not sure that is a good idea because we don't need to be that cruel to the vultures.
38. There is the old "Cement Overshoes", but that could be considered water pollution.
41. Bury all but his head in an anthill. Cover with honey. See how effective that torture method *really* is.
49. Target practice.
52. Use him for testing Ginsu knives with Mrs. Bobbitt helping out.
58. Lock him in a room with 10 rabid raccoons.
66. Cut off his arms and say "Where's that 'great big hug' *now*!?!"
67. Shave his fur. ALL of it.
97. Have him transported to the where everyone over there can unite under a single cause for once in a thousand years and kill him!
113. Virtual Realty BarneyDOOM.
116. Send him to France an have him declare he's American.
201. 100 cans of JOLT and a titanium steel vault.
206. Make him run UNIX on a Tandy Colour Computer 3. (128k total)
214. Lock him up in a tiny school locker, then shoot bullets around him, thus scaring the living hell out of him, then either let him die of shock and starvation or simply shoot him through the door (but in the gut! That way he BLEEDS to death, slowly, and painfully!).
221. Peg 60-pound dumbbells at him until he dies.
222. Lock him in a tiny elementary school locker, plug up the bottom slats, then slowly drop bugs in through the top slats (preferably creatures like spiders and centipedes). If you get tired of this get a gun and shoot Barney through the locker door.
227. Mummify him. Alive. (aka ‘The Mummy’)
242. Field trip to your local zoo. Barney loves to spread love and happiness to all of the carnivores.
246. Bungee jumping with chord tied around neck (with static line?)
261. Assimilation by the Borg. (but they probably wouldn't want him)
262. Acupuncture with a nail gun
267. OOPS! Barney shouldn't have soldered that propane tank while full.
282. Barney goes for a spin on a cyclotron. Too bad about the sudden stop.
284. Barney stars in an Itchy and Scratchy movie.
295. Use him as archery practice.
306. Give Barney a gasoline shower and then make him smoke. (Burn baby burn).
313. Nail him down to a sidewalk, then get a bicycle and ride back and forth over him until he dies, relishing the sounds of his bones crackling and breaking like newspapers, seeing seams burst open in his sides and foam guts flying out them, hearing his final agonized screech before you crush his head with a tire.
323. Lowering in the Purple One into a vat of acid, an inch an hour.
328. Stuffing is flammable.
336. Substitute the cameras on his show with anti-matter accelerators. (for all you R&D geeks out there)
337. Squeeze him into a large blender, then push "GRIND." More satisfying than "LIQUEFY."
345. Cast him as the stunt double for the T-Rex who breaks through the high HIGH voltage fence in Jurassic Park (Who turned it up so much?).

Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil

I've got way too much time on my hands....
Leto
_________________
Mors Principium Est
Remember... PILLAGE before you BURN!
“Usually I ask only two questions- what are we dealing with and how do I kill it."
Everything I know I learned from killing smart people and eating their brains Wink
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Patrick Alpha
Resident bloody clueless idiot


Joined: 13 Jul 2004
Posts: 54
Location: Auckland

PostPosted: Sat Mar 19, 2005 4:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Here's some I thought of:
WAYS TO KILL BARNEY: DRESS UP EDITION
1.Dress him up as Kevin Ryan (pop up ad inventer) and sent him just about anywhere in any country with a high internet using population
2.Make him watch Pauly Shore movies for 24 hours straight until even he goes insane
3.'Master Yoda, Barney cut medicare!'
4.Dress him up in Star And Stripes and send him to Iraq.
5.Dress him up as the guy who listed Dublin as a British city, and send him to Sinn Fein's (sp?) headquarters
6. Foie de Barney! Save the birds!
7.Send him to Bosnia and watch them unite for the first time in years and destroy him.
8.Send him to Somalia as famine relief
9. Tell Bill Gates Barney is promoting Linux on his show
10. Two Words: Jimmy Hoffa
11. Dress him up as a Brithish settler and send him to India
12. Forced Seppuku
13. Crucifixion
14. Put him on Jerry Springer (love to see stories involving B'Haby B'Hop and Dudley the Dragon:P
15. Firing squad
Thats all for now, more may come soon
Cheers, Patrick
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Tailwhip
Spectator


Joined: 03 Apr 2005
Posts: 15

PostPosted: Mon Apr 04, 2005 11:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Here are some of my reccomended ways to kill B'harnii:

1. Smash up the cameras in the studio, whack B'harnii unconscious, (this is all done with a baseball bat.) grab the kids from the tv show and get them in the 4x4 where they are safe, drive over the demons body and set him alight. This is derived from the playground song: I hate you, you hate me, lets team up and kill Barney, with a baseball bat and a 4x4, no more purple dinosaur.

2. Take him to court for allegations of child molestation and then ram a pitchfork up his arse while he's in the overnight cells.

3. Just ram a pitchfork up his arse.

4. Something to do with a pitchfork.

5.Dress him up as the new doctor who writer, change the tardis to a flying chitty chitty bang bang car and take him to a fan convention.
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PostPosted: Tue May 17, 2005 11:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yum, B'harnee flavored troll. Goes nice with a bit of Worchester sauce. And parsley.
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 01, 2005 10:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote="Tailwhip"]1. Smash up the cameras in the studio, whack B'harnii unconscious, (this is all done with a baseball bat.) grab the kids from the tv show and get them in the 4x4 where they are safe, drive over the demons body and set him alight. This is derived from the playground song: I hate you, you hate me, lets team up and kill Barney, with a baseball bat and a 4x4, no more purple dinosaur.




im gonna meet him on dec.15 and then im gonna do what you seid
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